I wish I could just be in that state of mind forever

It’s the real me.
You see, the real me isn’t the crazy loud girl you may see meandering around.
Truly I am quite the intellectual, the one who enjoys listening to philosophy lectures, and questioning all that can’t be answered, or expanding my own knowledge just by realizations, and gratefulness.
I don’t know. I just wish I could have a laptop so I could actually write. I can’t exactly be in my zone on the family computer in the study while others are walking in and out or watching the game right beside me.
I know that I will always miss these days and nights when I’m older, but sometimes, I just wanna grow up, at least enough to have my own car, my own laptop, and no need to ask permission to leave. I wanna take journeys when I feel unbearably overwhelmed. I know, at the moment I’m asking too much.
I know I should be grateful, I mean heck, my parents are letting me go to Europe on my own this summer!
and I am completely grateful (not to mention thrilled!)
*sighh* but at the moment, summer is extremely far away

(but can you believe it’s already November?!)

Okay, yes. This entry is completely contradicting, but it’s what I feel, soo, sorry for my wishy-washy ness.

So, it’s already November, yet it feels like school just started back up. It almost brings me to tears knowing that my junior year is going by so fast.
It embarrasses me to find myself walking the halls and thinking such simple minded things, or things I used to be able to think, because I used to have more years left in that darn school of mine.
Everything I do is almost my last, and some things actually are my last.
It’s (if I make captain) my last year of not completely being in charge of my section.
It’s going to be the last chemfree I’m allowed to, because next year I’m going to be doing the inviting.
It’s going to be the last graduation I play for.
There’s more, but this is seriously depressing me.
Next year, I am going to be of the oldest. I’m going to be the one people run up to asking for a ride home.
I really need to buckle down, because I’m not doing good in Algebra (can you believe I got a C! And it’s not even a high C, I got a 75 this past 5 weeks)
and Physics is damn hard but I almost got an A, I got an 89.
(freaking HATE 89s, like, seriously? it’s just one point can not you spare just ONE POINT?)


Anyways, there is still so much to do. I had thought that by now, I’d be more focused, and have my priorities in a better order. I thought that by now I’d know more on the guitar, or at least written something beautiful.
I still have yet to send any picture in to teen vouge, and time is deffinantly running out for that.

plus, I have started to get out of shape. I’m not fat, no, in fact I’m still a twig with absolutely no figure, but out of shape? that I am.
So every night I’ve been working out at least a little.

Man, I wish this room was cold. I guess I have been drawn towards the love of cool air. cool, crisp air. yeah, that makes me smile.